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Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Possessed car alarm Key fob By Dave-Lee Zaelon

ZAELON

Picture this, it’s 4am, the alarm clock rings, you pick it up and throw it across the room, as you do every morning and it lands on the floor still ringing, it’s time to go to work, you walk across the room, pick the clock up, turn it off and set it down on the bedside table, you walk to the window draw the curtains and look out, to find it’s raining cats and dogs.

You know this because of the meowing and the barking as they go past, to land on the ground with a howl.

Oh you have to be joking!
With this you think, it’s going to be a strange day, you go into the bathroom, lather your face pick up your razor and have a shave, then you wash your face and get soap in your eyes, you immediately bend down to pick up the towel off the rail and bang your head on the bathroom cabinet above, with a howl and cursing the cabinet you wipe the soap out of your eyes and off your face, while turning and stubbing your toe on the toilet bowl, you hop around the bathroom like a kangaroo, swearing and shouting, you hobble back into the bedroom, cursing and get dressed.

You go downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast, you decide to have toast with coffee, while making the coffee the toast begins to burn, you grab the toast out of the toaster, burning your fingers as you throw it into the bin.

It’s now 4:45am, you grab your car key fob and keys, wincing with the pain of burnt fingers, go out to your car and press the Key fob to unlock the car, the doors unlock and immediately the car alarm goes off, you press the fob again to silence the alarm, it stops, then starts again, you press it again and it stops, you get in, put the key in the ignition, turn the key, the engine fails to start and the alarm goes off, again, pressing the key fob stops the alarm and proceeds to lock all the doors while you’re in the car and can’t get out, you panic and press the fob again to unlock the doors, the doors unlock and yes, the alarm goes off, it’s now 5:00am and lights are being switched on in the houses along the road, you try frantically to turn it off, at last it stops, you turn the key again and the engine starts, you breathe a sigh of relief and start to move off into the middle of the road and yes, the alarm goes off again and the engine stops. You grab the fob and start pressing it, all the doors lock; it’s now 5:15am.

But now you’re stuck in the middle of the road not being able to move and half the road is up and out wondering what the racket is, one of your neighbors comes over to your car, he’s built like a gorilla, you gingerly wind your window down he snarls “FIX IT” you explain what is wrong and he snatches the key fob from you and presses it, the doors unlock and the alarm stops, you get out and stand there in bewilderment and thank your neighbor, with a growl he turns and walks away.


Then as if by magic, all the doors lock, the engine starts and the car careers off down the road crashing into another car, because you left it in gear, this sets their car alarm and you’re car alarm off.

You run over to your car like a man possessed and proceed to kick it, punch it; head butt it, smash the mirrors, kick the windscreen in and finish up jumping up and down on the roof and the bonnet beating your chest like a chimpanzee, screaming, it’s possessed.

You go into the boot of your, car get a can of petrol out and pour it all over the car and set fire to it, all the time jumping up and down screaming and shouting. 

The key fob is possessed. 


It’s now 5:30am, the fire brigade and the police arrive, the police charge you with arson, obstructing a highway, not having proper control of a motor vehicle, crashing into a parked car and disturbing the peace, at this point the alarm on both cars stop, you begin to protest profusely to the police and explain about the key fob being possessed, you lose your temper and you push the police officer to the ground, you are then cuffed and also charged with assaulting a police officer, at 5.45am they take you down to the police station, where you are put into a cell, you start banging on the door screaming, the key fob is possessed.

At 6:00am the doctor is called and you are diagnosed as insane, a few minutes later two large men arrive with a strange white jacket (straight jacket) put it on you and take you away to the asylum, you arrive there and are put into a padded cell at 6:30am.

So Beware!!!  In two and a half hours with a car alarm key fob, you can go from sane to insane.






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